Does it seem nice to be not nervous about a fun party for your friends? Or maybe you do not have any friends at all, but would you like them again. Are you always afraid that people want to condemn you who you are? You are probably also ready with your own shame and fear, which brings this extreme embarrassment with you?
I think so. That is why I have written this free course on social anxiety and embarrassment. When you are ready, we dive into the course. We start with a small introduction. Ready!? Go! …
What is a social anxiety disorder?
Very briefly it comes down to being afraid of what people think of you and that they condemn that. This takes so much stress that you can really go under it.
Often these people have little self-value and self-love. And in every situation where they come with this anxiety disorder or social phobia, this is only confirmed once again and the situation can get worse. At that moment you are in a vicious circle.
As a child, I suffered from selective mutism. What went on until about my 20th. I was someone who dealt well with classmates but was very quiet, shy and anxious with family and especially my friends. I did not do anything to say a half a year to a yes or no to my friends and when I said something. Then they said: Hey, Ed is talking !?
It’s too painful to go through life and that’s why I’ve written this free course of social anxiety and embarrassment so that you can start social life with full confidence!
Let’s go to tip 1 right away!
tips for social anxiety and shyness
Tip 1
Try to share it with people. Or rather with one person! Although this is hard for many people with social anxiety, it can give a tremendous liberation to talk about this. Choose someone from whom you are really sure that you can go there with your questions.
Sometimes it is so that there are no people in your environment at all, where it can put your problem. How annoying that is, of course, I have a solution: Write down problems in a notebook or diary. It is important that your head does not overflow with all the tensions and thoughts you have about your social anxiety and shyness. The regular departure from these thoughts and tensions can thus give some freedom.
What do you write down in your diary or script?
- The situations you experience
- The thoughts you want to lose concerning the situation
- Write a situation that is optimal and satisfying for you, it concerns a social situation
You can do these 3 points, but if you have enough of one or two, then we are perfectly busy. Follow your sense of what is best for you.
Exercise:
At point 3, I also want you to visualize the new situation as you want it. What do you feel? Do you feel resistance? Because this is not real? Or do you feel positive emotions and do they give you liberation from social anxiety?
If you feel the resistance. Keep repeating it until it really gets in your head. In this way, you train your behavior to enter into these social situations in a confident way. The brain does not know the difference we makeup or visualize, or what is real. The same emotions are involved here. Make use of this! In the course dealing with depression, I have written more about this.
Tip: Only read the negative situations, as inspiration to make a positive situation when visualizing. OK? Agreed! …
Tips for Treating Social Disorder
Tip 2
What I had at one point was that I was so anxious because of my insecurity for rejection and condemnation, that I could no longer concentrate on people I had contact with. . Often when they said something to me, I did not understand it, did not understand it, or misinterpretation was meant.
This only causes more uncertainty towards you as a person, which also increases the uncertainty and the fears of rejection.
Then I got the next tip for social anxiety. As soon as I was talking to someone, I only listened to his or her words. When thoughts passed or emotions, I left them for what they are and concentrated only on the words.
In this way, the person really felt that I was listening to him or her. That feeling was completely reinforced because I had some answers ready now. I listened! There was actually a conversation that I normally did not have with people. This gave such a boost to my confidence that from then on I had an extra tool in my pocket that I could use. This was the first step in the right direction to overcome my social anxiety and shyness and my depression. But now I like to share this tool with you.
Practice simple social skills
Tip 3
We often feel that no one really likes us. Whether this is true or not, does not really matter. What we do know is that we do not feel loved or rejected. The fear of rejection is one of the biggest pains we can experience. So you also do not feel less, because you have a social anxiety disorder. You fight a great battle against the daily suffering you experience and you can be proud of that!
How can we manage to get positive feedback from people and then practice our social skills? Now it is not the intention that everyone should like us. If such a thing already exists, but it is important to get positive feedback from a number of people, so that there is a bit of bonding and appreciation. In this way a pleasant and sustainable conversation can take place.
Practicing these 4 social skills:
- Compliments Giving
- Short proposals
- Remembering names
- Make short eye contact and laugh
Now for many, these 4 points will produce enough fresh sweat. And yet it does not have to be that way. Try to include these 4 points in your visualizations. You will vividly imagine how you would do that and feel what it does to you. At that moment you are making new connections in your brain. These connections, do the old negative connections override so that you immediately in a pleasant way in social situations.
Overcoming social anxiety and shyness with neuroscience
Neurology is the science of the brain. Fortunately for you there is already a lot of research done, which we can benefit from. But what can we get from neuroscience, which is applicable to social anxiety and shyness?
They called the technique: Revaluation. What is really nothing else than changing the original story, to a new story. But then one that you feel good about.
In the revaluation of the situation, it is mainly about the beliefs you have, concerning the person’s, you (subject) and the situation.
Example: You get ready to go to a party of friends. Somewhere you feel like it, but not at the same time. The sweat breaks you out and your heart pounds from the left to the right room. You know about yourself what a task it is and you feel that it often gets worse. Because, Chantal always asks me why I am so quiet ”. That gives you the feeling that you are inadequate. In your own words it feels more like: Chantal will think I can not do anything. Because we criticize ourselves, we are good at that.
When we look at the example, we actually see two convictions.
- Chantal will think that I can not do anything.
Exercise:
Let’s take a social situation. It can be one from your notebook or diary. Write down all the beliefs that are true to you now. It does not matter how negative they are, because we are going to slowly change those beliefs.
Now we are going to change them. I am inadequate, we change to: I am talented
Chantal will think I can not do anything, we change in: Chantal is interested in me because she thinks I am a nice girl or man.
You can write the positive beliefs 21 times in the morning and in the evening.
You can do this every time you come into a similar situation. Say the new belief to yourself.
It can be and often it is true that there are other convictions, among the first convictions. These can also be dealt with in the same way. Learn the methods of social anxiety by heart, so that you can also address those beliefs.
In the beginning, it can also feel as if you are lying to yourself. It is also logical that you feel that way because you have been telling yourself the opposite to yourself throughout your life. It takes about two months before you have learned a new habit. But a confirming thought, even if you have not yet mastered it, can already give a positive feeling if you repeat it a few times.
An important point is: concentrate on the positive feeling that the new beliefs give. So not only on the words themselves.
Part 2 course free course social anxiety and embarrassment
The epidemic of ‘I’m not good enough’
Some experts in the field of psychology and similar professionals, identify an epidemic. Almost everyone suffers from this ” disease ”. This epidemic is called: I am not good enough.
How would it feel for you when you enter a busy room and that with all your faults, you would feel that you are good enough? Because that is a conviction that we often already get in education. Often not so intended, but we do get this conviction.
Almost everyone has received this conviction. Murders are committed and wars are waged. Just think about the rulers of countries. They are often belittled by their parents and therefore have the conviction that they are not good enough. To feel that they are good enough, they follow the path of war, to experience that they are good enough.
Fortunately, most people do not do this in such a gruesome way, but the conflict and quarrel between woman and man, families, friends, colleagues and what not. Is often because they feel touched what the other person says. And usually, they feel so touched, because it touches an old piece that does not feel good enough. We argue it out as adults, but a bit of child pain is hit.
How do we resolve the belief: I am not good enough?
We do this by telling ourselves that we are good enough. Yes hello, nice and easy I hear you say? Well …, YES! .. But …, not really … If you have said the opposite to yourself for the rest of your life, it will take about two months before you have really reversed that belief. Now it is true that if we do the affirmations (confirmatory thoughts) that you immediately feel enlightenment. Let’s start with affirmations that apply to overcome social phobia. You can come up with more yourself so that it fits your needs. I would even recommend it!
- I am good enough
- I am smart enough
- I am sociable enough
- I am handsome enough
- I am nice enough
- I am interesting enough
- I am enough
- I am valuable enough
- I am reliable enough
- I am intelligent enough
- I am wise enough
- I am attractive enough
- I am beautiful enough
- I am irritating enough
- I am sexy enough
- I am thin enough
- I am healthy enough
- I am fit enough
- I am talented enough
- I am capable enough
- I am peaceful enough
- I am cool enough
- I am confident enough
- I am courageous enough
- I am assertive enough
- I am kind enough
- I am nice enough
- I am nice enough
- I am good enough
- I am fun enough
- I am nice enough
- I am reliable enough
- I am authentic enough
- I am elegant enough
- I am persevering enough
- I am good enough
- I am interesting enough
- I am fear free enough
- I am respectful enough
- I am decent enough
- I am good enough.
Write this list at least once and if you succeed, learn it from your head. In addition, I have found a suitable video, which you would also like to listen to every morning and evening. Do you feel that liberation when it is said? Or maybe not the same, but it will!
Do not give in to fear in social situations
Phew !! Yes hello, I’m not here for that. This is scary for me, maybe forgotten? No, I have not forgotten, but we do that very quietly. If you have followed the tips carefully and you are busy with it for a month, then we can take this step.
Write down for yourself, or consider what a scary social situation is for you. One that now plays in your life. If that is, for example, a birthday, then undoubtedly, the people who are there will be the scariest.
It is important that we look up situations that are exciting, but not too exciting.
Think about an eatery, terrace, bar or something that makes you feel most comfortable. If you finally know that, you’re going to do two things.
You’re going to drink a cup of coffee or something like that when it’s the least busy. Usually in the morning. Do this 3x for the first week.
In the second week, go drink coffee, but then at a time when it is on average busy.
The third week you will drink 2 x coffee at the busiest time.
With each week you can make notes, according to the way in which the tips are, or what works for you.
Write down what thoughts come up and turn them into something positive and repeat those new thoughts and beliefs, so that you immediately go to week 2. Do not forget to be very proud of yourself, even if it does not feel right for you. Despite your fears, you have gone anyway. Give yourself those credits and be nice to yourself.
At week 2 and 3 you follow the same process.
Repeat this process until you have mastered it enough to go to that exciting social situation that I mentioned earlier. Do you have enough confidence? Go for it! You can do it …
This was the course Social Fear and Conquering Delay. I sincerely hope that this course has helped you in the right direction to overcome your social anxiety.
Thanks for participating!
Be healthy,
Edwin